The Wild West of Data Wrangling
By Platy the Wrangler and Kerry Halupka
Howdy partner, I’m Platy the Wrangler, and I’m here to show y’all how to round up your data. You’re in the West now partner, it’s a wild world out here. If you want the full shabam I reckon you oughta listen to this while reading this here post.
Y’all better keep them voices down though ‘less you want to get stampeded by a herd of wild log files, those little critters surely can spook easy. They sneak up on you too, when you’re not looking, then suddenly there’s hundreds of ‘em, bearin’ down on you, all needing to be cleaned and processed, but all the while they’re multiplyin’.
Out here we got a lot of data, but we also got tools, yep they’re some gosh darn powerful tools too y’hear. Got ‘em for simulations, computations, analytics, algorithms… There ain’t no data we can’t wrangle. If you’ve got data needs wranglin’, you’re already one of us. We gotta stick together out here – there ain’t no knowing next time you gotta herd your data into the Publication Pen, and if you ain’t got tools behind you, you’re gonna have a mighty tough time y’hear.
Out here we got a few mainstay’s, you know the type – got that slow drawl that puts them critters at ease, can spot a code bug a mile away, always with their clicker finger at the ready to subdue it. Yeah, they’ve been around long enough to know you never stop learning.
There’s Alistair “Magic Fingers” Walsh. They call him that ‘cause there ain’t nothing he can’t do with a keyboard and some code. Some say he even knows how to make his data analysis more intelligent with what he calls “machine learning”, heavens to betsy that’s some fancy stuff there. They say sometimes he even scares the code bugs into submission with his damn near perfect critter impression, we caught it on film here, but I don’t like to look at it, scares the bejeezus outa me.
Alistair “Magic Fingers” Walsh
Fastest lasso-arm in the land belongs to Yamni “Annie Oakley” Mohan. If you let that smile fool you even for a second you’ll be wrapped up in no time. Most people only make that mistake once. If you’re on her good side though, and if you’ve got any sense in ya you will be, she can show you all the cleverest tricks of the trade. MATLAB-mountain is where she’s at, see that colossal peak out there in the distance?
Yamni “Annie Oakley” Mohan
It can get pretty wild out here, but Dan “The Man” Sandiford never loses his cool. The way he deals with them critters you’d think he was out for a Sunday stroll. Some say he used to be a snake charmer in the east, they say that’s where he picked up his mean Python skills. Others say he used to be a bee keeper, that’s why he can keep his cool an’ quit the trigger finger trembles even when his code is covered in bugs.
Dan “The Man” Sandiford
Hear that yee-haw over past MATLAB-mountain? That there is Pippa “Calamity Jane” Karoly. Some folks say she can read minds just by lookin’ at you. Between you and me, those rumours are actually half true, she also needs a computer and an EEG though. We all thank our lucky stars she’s on our side, them powers would be damn near god-like in the hands of the critters.
Pippa “Calamity Jane” Karoly
Some among us travelled vast seas to be here, none are more revered or feared than Scott “Dread Pirate” Ritchie. You’ll know him by that steely gleam in his eye and his catch-phrase: “Rrrr me harties, use R!”. He’s been here for longer than I can even remember, steerin’ us all in the mystical ways of R.
Scott “Dread Pirate” Ritchie
This lot are wild as they come though, gotta be wild to take on the perils of the west day after day, yep, they be crazy. That’s why our little sleepy town has Sheriff Kerry “Crazy Eye” Halupka. Woah nelly does she have her work cut out for her. But if you’re new in town she’s the one to talk to, she’ll set you up with one of them wild wranglin’ geniuses for a lesson. They’ll have you swingin’ that lasso with the best of ‘em before you can say “there’s a snake in my boot”.
Kerry “Crazy Eye” Halupka
Sun is settin’ now though, in an hour the glow of your screen will be the only light in this perilous landscape. Head in to town an get yerself set up, make sure you sign-up for a lesson quick smart, or email if you’ve got some more questions. Remember y’all, we got stick together out here, data can be wild and ruthless, but if you want to learn to control it you’ve come to the right place.
They see me wranglin’, they hatin’
